She says I’m not right for her...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I was introduced to a girl at a party, and we chatted all through the evening. I asked her out and we had a great date. Since then, we have met a few more times, and I eventually told her that I had strong feelings for her and asked if she would consider a relationship with me. She surprised me by saying I was not right for her. There were other things she said, all of which sounded like excuses because I know we had a great time whenever we were together. I was hurt and confused but haven't messaged her since the last date. I think she's wrong and probably just afraid. How do I convince her of this and get her to just try it?
When you use the words ‘try it' you are trivialising what is a difficult and serious decision for anyone. This isn't to say your feelings aren't genuine, only to point out that you can't compel someone to feel a certain way just by trying to make a case. If you both had a great time, that is your perspective alone. She may have enjoyed spending time with you, but clearly isn't convinced that this can evolve into a romantic relationship. You can repeat the message, but that may only convince her that she's right. Why not give her time, keep lines of communication open so she doesn't assume you can't handle a friendship, and allow her to change how she sees you? If she doesn't, you should simply accept, after a point, that this won't go any further.

It's strange for me to have conversations with guys because a lot of them misinterpret my politeness as flirting. How do I change this? Should I be less friendly?
The onus of misinterpreting anything isn't on you because you are simply being yourself. If someone doesn't get it, correct them gently but firmly, and let them deal with it. You shouldn't have to change who you are just because some men aren't bright.

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