She is sweet, but I don’t love her!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 25-year old guy and have been dating a girl my age for a year. We met in school but didn't really speak to each other back then until we found ourselves in the same college. She is really sweet and I like her a lot, but I don't seem to feel a strong love for her no matter how much I try. I know she loves me because she tells me she does, and I know she feels something very strongly for me that I can't seem to reciprocate. I don't know if something is wrong with me or if I should be with someone else, but this is worrying because she is already starting to think of this as a serious relationship. I am beginning to feel as if I am leading her on somehow, which is not my intention at all. I don't know what to do. Should I break up with her before things become too difficult for her to handle?
If you don't feel strongly about her, there is nothing wrong with that. You can't force yourself to feel a particular way about someone. It is important to tell her that you aren't on the same page though, because your silence implies that you are as in love with her and she claims to be with you. You aren't leading her on by being honest about your feelings and, to be fair, relationships often take time to evolve as one's feelings for one's partner change and can become stronger or weaker. If you believe there is hope for this relationship, it is simply a question of giving yourself time to understand what she means to you. She isn't asking you to marry her, and your definition of a serious relationship may be quite different from hers. Why not tell her what's on your mind, ask her to consider taking it slow if you think that will ease some of the pressure, and simply enjoy being with each other for a change?

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com