She is refusing to help herself!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a married man with two children and am considering a divorce because my wife is not interested in our family. She doesn't even ask us how we are doing, barely gets out of bed on most days, and spends weekends watching television. This has been going on for almost a year and my children don't bother speaking to her anymore because they know it's no use. Things were fine with us before this happened, but she lost two of her family members and hasn't been behaving the same way since. I have tried asking her to see a doctor, but she says she is fine. This can't go on forever because it is affecting all of us mentally. I want her to do what she wants to on her own, but not in our home because it is making our children upset and sad all the time. Is this a good idea? I am sure I can tolerate it, but I am only doing this for the good of our children. What should I do?
If you are concerned about your children and have been able to pinpoint that your wife hasn't been the same since her personal losses, it's possible she is struggling with depression and needs you and your children now more than ever. It may appear that she doesn't, but she is the one incapable of rational behaviour at the moment, not you. If she refuses to see a doctor, try and speak to family and friends who can intervene and get her access to a counsellor who can visit her at home. You and your children don't have the tools to cope with this and should consider therapy too because her grief will inadvertently have an impact on your lives as well. A divorce is a permanent solution to something that needs professional help, not an ending. If you love your wife and want her back as a member of your family, you will have to work on this harder than ever.

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