Not entirely sure we have a future...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been dating a guy for three years and he has never mentioned taking our relationship to the next level, to make it more formal in any way. I have tried asking him about this often, and how he sees this evolving, but his responses are always vague and don't really tell me anything about his state of mind. We love each other a lot and genuinely enjoy being together, but a part of me feels as if this is just something that makes him happy for now. It isn't a priority for him the way his career is, which sometimes makes me question my reasons for continuing to be with him. I don't want a commitment at this stage, but I don't want to wake up two years from now wondering why I invested so much time and energy in a relationship that may end and be forgotten anytime. Should I break up with him?
It makes sense to first try and think about what you want, from this relationship, from him, and for yourself. If you are happy to be here for now, and have no interest in commitment, does it make sense to worry about what you may feel like a couple of years from now? There is nothing fundamentally wrong with the way you are looking at this but breaking up also implies that you want to invest in a relationship that ultimately offers you something else. You don't know what that is yet and, presumably, don't know whom you want to be in that relationship with either. It may make more sense to try and confront your partner and ask him specific questions about his own wants and expectations. Tell him why you are considering breaking up and allow him the time and space to process the possibility of losing you. If he is okay with that, you will have your answer about how he sees the two of you. It's time to tell him that refusing to answer isn't an option.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com