My mom doesn’t approve of him!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 24-year-old woman and have been dating a guy who does not meet with my mother's approval. She has only met him once, but she seems to have a bias against him because he didn't seem polite enough. I know her reasons don't make sense, but she has been going on about it for weeks and keeps telling me I can do better. She has now begun to raise objections to me going on dates, and I find the whole thing unnecessarily restrictive because I was always raised in a rational, easy-going home. She doesn't want to talk about how I feel, is dismissive towards my arguments, and this has created a rift between us because I have no intention of ending this relationship just because she has some imaginary problems. I am an only child, and my father passed away when I was little, so it's just my mother and me in our home which is why this feels so difficult to handle. I don't even feel happy coming home these days and don't know what to do. Please help.
Your mother may have all kinds of reasons for her behaviour, rational or irrational, and you are both entitled to your points of view. Living under the same roof will inevitably lead to confrontation but avoiding it won't solve anything. If she isn't willing to listen, you may have to be patient and wait until she gets to a point where dialogue is possible. Sometimes, anger clouds one's judgement and prevents communication. If you are sure about this relationship and aren't willing to end it for your mother's reasons, the onus of dealing with her behaviour is on you until better sense prevails. Your mother loves you, and has your interests at heart, but this doesn't always translate into a willingness to listen. Give her time, allow her to get to a place where she starts to accept your decision, and you will both find a way of dealing with this. Don't lose hope.

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