My health issues freak him out!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a serious health condition that requires me to be housebound for a few days each month. My boyfriend and I have spoken about this, but he struggles with accepting it and we often get into arguments because he is stressed out about my well-being. I have tried to get him to be calm because his anxiety only makes things worse for me, but he doesn't seem to be able to understand. We love each other and want to be together, and I know he wants to marry me, but a part of me feels guilty about putting him through this because he shouldn't have to deal with my problems along with his. Should I end this relationship? I don't want to lose him, but his inability to manage makes me worry about the future and how he will accept this condition until I find a way to get better. What should I do?
You do your boyfriend a disservice when you assume he shouldn't have to deal with your problems. The premise of a strong relationship is the ability to share everything, including problems that may arise and affect just one person. It's what companionship and support is all about. As for his anxiety, you are right to be concerned because his inability to manage will make things harder. This is the easier part to handle though, because it's obvious he needs help and coping mechanisms that he currently has no access to. If he genuinely wants to be with you and is considering a lifelong commitment, he should speak to a counsellor and find a way of managing his anxiety, not just for you but for his own mental health. As for ending your relationship, if you both want to be together, this is a trial you will have to deal with because healthy relationships always require work. There are all kinds of challenges that may crop up over the course of your lives, and this is just a test of what you can endure.

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