My boyfriend has terrible friends!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been trying to convince my boyfriend to do something about the company he keeps, but he doesn't seem to get what I'm saying or why I'm saying it. He has these friends from school and has been with them for two decades, which is why he doesn't sense the toxic nature of those friendships. They are always belittling him, making fun of all his choices, and are openly disrespectful towards me, but none of these things matter to him because he thinks they are his closest friends and can't stand anyone saying anything bad about them. He is so closed to criticism that he doesn't even see their flaws when they are glaringly obvious to anyone who has just met them. I am thinking of ending our relationship because I worry about them constantly being a presence in his life. It doesn't seem as if he will ever shake them off, and that is a big problem for me. Am I doing the right thing?
The short answer is, yes, because you are doing what you can to protect yourself from any potentially emotional harm. Your boyfriend may have his reasons for sticking to some people, and he is entitled to make those choices as an adult, but you are also entitled to make decisions based upon how his choices affect your life. Disrespect is unforgivable, and he shouldn't be allowed to let them get away with this because it implies complicity on his part. He can always separate those relationships if your presence matters, but the fact that he has chosen not to, and dismisses your concerns, reveals a different set of priorities where you aren't high on the list. If this doesn't seem like it will get better any time soon, and you are worried about always having to cope with the presence of his friends in both your lives, there is no way out of this. You are taking the right step and that may not be enough to open his eyes either.

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