My anxiety is causing trouble!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been struggling with social anxiety for a few years, and this makes it very hard for me to interact with people I don't know well. My boyfriend knows this but doesn't have an idea of what he can or cannot do to help. He sometimes leaves me alone with his relatives when I visit his place, and this causes a lot of stress because I can't manage conversations with them. He wants me to try harder because he says his family is important to him, and I understand that, but I still can't do it. This is creating a lot of tension between us because he doesn't think I'm trying hard enough. I don't know if it means we won't be able to take the next step and commit to a serious relationship. This makes me sad because I love him very much and don't know what to do.
Social anxiety is more common than you may think, and the first thing you need to do is absolve yourself of any guilt you are probably feeling. All you need is empathy. Your boyfriend may want you to engage with his family, and he's allowed to do that because it's a normal expectation, but he isn't considering the toll this takes on you. Not everyone will understand your condition, of course, but anyone who claims to love you will put in time and effort to get a better idea of what this means for you. If he believes you aren't trying hard enough, it just shows that he doesn't see things from your perspective at all. If you want to save this relationship, speak to a counsellor, and ask your boyfriend to come along too. This is something you can both learn to manage if you are equipped with the right coping mechanisms. If he refuses to come along, he probably isn't as serious about wanting to make this work as you are. As for his family, consider sending one of them a message about your condition.

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