Mom doesn’t like my girlfriend!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My mother recently got into an argument with my girlfriend and has decided that she is not a good person for me. I have tried talking to her about this because it doesn't sound mature, but she is adamant and now gets upset if my girlfriend comes over. My girlfriend has been very understanding and has apologised repeatedly. She also avoids coming over because she wants my mother to be okay with it. I am increasingly upset because it doesn't seem fair, and because it is harming my relationship. I want them both to get along but if my mother isn't even prepared to consider that, I don't know how to fix it. I don't want to break up, but it's becoming very hard to keep meeting my girlfriend when my mother is so disapproving.
You can start by acknowledging that these are two separate relationships that have no bearing on each other. You can agree to disagree with your mother and continue to have a relationship with your girlfriend because she is a person with a mind of her own. Think about why the two of you decided to get together and give her the respect she deserves as an equal partner. Think about how she would react were the situation to be reversed. You can continue trying to have a conversation with your mother and tell her why you choose to be with your girlfriend. She may not understand or accept your argument, but you are entitled to your feelings and your decision to be with someone as an adult. Tell your girlfriend why this is overwhelming you too, because trying to resolve it on your own is not what relationships are about. Give her a chance to participate and get a sense of why you are struggling to cope. Ultimately, this is only one of many challenges you will face when it comes to managing relationships, so treat it as a learning experience and don't give up just yet.

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