Miss her but don’t want her back...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I was in a relationship for around three years or so and it was my first. Naturally, recovering from that breakup was painful because I believed everything was perfect. Her reason for ending it back then was that she was moving to another city. We come from different religious backgrounds, but her reasons didn't appeal to me because I always thought of her as someone who would stick around and make this work despite the tough times. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that it ended. I needed closure, but it just ended with so many questions. I am over her now, but these questions still occupy my mind. Is it okay to miss her but not want her in my life again?
- FL
It's okay to miss an ex and also okay to not want that person back because they are a part of your life and your story irrespective of whether things work out or not. The end of a relationship will always leave one with questions, even if they don't seem obvious or appear immediately. There are a million different ways in which two people perceive one another and how they look at their relationship. Her reasons may have made perfect sense to her at the time, even if they didn't seem obvious to you. What matters is one's ability to process the end of something and move on. Your questions may never go away, but there will come a time when they don't seem that important either.

How do I tell my girlfriend that I don't think I love her as much as I used to anymore? I don't want to hurt her feelings.
How is lying to her and pretending to be someone you're not a way of protecting her from something? Aren't you doing her as well as yourself a disservice by not being honest? In fact, your inability to not be open about your feelings should be a huge sign that this relationship needs a lot more work.

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