Just don’t see him as my husband...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend is amazing, and I think of him as my partner in everything, except for the future. My friends think I am being ridiculous because they have known us as a couple for a long time and have always thought of us as marrying and settling down. My boyfriend and his family believe this, too, but I can't get used to the idea and can't explain it to anyone. There is nothing wrong with him, but there is nothing within me that likes the idea of calling him my husband some day. I know this makes me sound strange because I can't explain what I'm feeling, but I am very sure about this and can't bring myself to telling him that I won't marry him because it will break his heart and upset all our family members and friends. I feel almost trapped by this and can't seem to find a way out. Please help.
You don't owe anyone an explanation, but you will have to try and be more specific if and when you decide to speak to your partner about this. You are entitled to make any decision about your life and future, of course, but you also owe it to him to come clean about why this isn't going to work, and why you have waited for so long to have this conversation with him. Not speaking to avoid breaking his heart or upsetting your family is not reason enough given that you are only postponing the inevitable. If you are very sure that this isn't going anywhere, the sooner you tell him what's on your mind, the healthier it will be for you both. Also, given that you think of him as a partner, it is possible that speaking to him may bring you the clarity you are struggling to come up with. This may not resolve anything, but it may help you understand this relationship a little better. I suggest you avoid making any decision until you speak to him at once.

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