Is she stringing me along?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have an on-off relationship with a girl who can't make up her mind about what she wants from a relationship. We obviously have a strong attraction to each other, which is why we keep getting together and breaking up, but there is often a doubt at the back of my mind about whether she is just using me because she knows I will jump when she asks me to. She knows how much I care about her, and this is probably why she calls me whenever she is lonely or between relationships. It used to be okay with me but, as I get older, I worry that this situation is getting in the way of me being with someone who genuinely wants a long-term connection. How do I cope with this?
You need to think about your expectations for the future, and what you want out of a relationship. Caring for someone is great, and what you have had may have been perfect for you both at the time, but it doesn't necessarily inspire a sense of stability, which is critical for any relationship to survive beyond a point. It may make sense to have a serious conversation with this girl and get a sense of what her own expectations are. If she doesn't intend to get into a long-term relationship because that works for her, it will help you make a decision about what this means for your own future.

My girlfriend always hates public displays of affection, even though she has no real reason for it. I can't even hold her hand because it upsets her, and this worries me because it feels as if she is ashamed of me. What should I do?
It's okay for two people to have varying degrees of comfort when it comes to what they are prepared to do in a public setting. How she behaves with you in private matters more. You can always ask her to address any doubts you have instead of jumping to conclusions.

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