I’m too reserved for a girlfriend...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My friends think I am afraid of girls, which isn't true because I am just an introvert. I have been on a few dates, but none of them has been very serious and I have never been in a real relationship with anyone. I will turn 24 in a few months, and I have been wondering if girls are turned off by boys who are shy. I don't know if I can change how I behave in public because I am generally reserved and have always been this way, but I also don't want that to be held against me and prevent me from forming genuine relationships with girls. I want to date someone and I want to try harder to connect with other people, but it's difficult and, the more pressure I put on myself, the more artificial I think I am being by pretending to be friendlier than I am. What can I do to make a change without feeling like I am being forced to?

You can stop listening to your friends and start trusting yourself, for a change. You're an adult with a mind of your own and being self-aware of who you are and what you're like is great because it takes people a long time to understand themselves better. If this is who you are, you have to believe that you just haven't met someone who compels you to be more forthcoming. This can take time, especially for an introvert, but it's not an insurmountable task. Put aside the idea of a relationship for now, and simply focus on trying to meet people who you think seem interesting. Look for groups with shared interests, people you can have conversations with, and allow this to evolve in a natural manner. You may be surprised at how meeting the right person can get you to open up in ways that don't seem possible right now. Either way, putting any pressure on yourself to be someone you're not is not a healthy way to live.

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