I’m scared of his parents’ influence

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been trying to convince my fiance that we need to move to another city because I worry about the influence his parents have on him. He is an only child and they have huge problems letting go of him. Part of me understands this, but I also worry about what will happen after we get married because I don't know how they will play a role in our lives. He doesn't make any decisions without their permission and even my influence is limited which makes me feel as if I am less a partner than a subordinate to him and his parents. He is a kind, respectful person, and I love him very much, but I am constantly worried that our family life will be disrupted by his parents' choices. I don't know how to get him to agree because he will never consider moving too far from them. How do I manage under these circumstances?
You are right to be concerned, but you also display awareness about where things stand with him. There is empathy there, which matters, and which you will need great reserves of while the two of you navigate the future and get to a place of understanding. What you haven't considered is the possibility that your fiancé's parents may be as unnerved as you, given that their son will now have someone else to turn to. Your role as partner will evolve, and greater trust brings greater reliance on each other. I suggest you tell him what's on your mind, give him time to understand your fears, and get to know his parents better so there is better communication between everyone concerned. Moving to another city may never be an option if he is an only child, so you should prepare yourself for that too. The way to cope is to constantly talk about how you feel, and work on building your relationship with your fiancé. With time, there will come a shift in how you all interact with each other.

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