I’m afraid he will never look for a job!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. He lost his job a month or two after we began dating and has failed to find a new one since then. He religiously went to interviews and applied to a lot of places in the first six months, then started to slow down and just give up. I support him financially, which he used to have a problem with at the beginning, but now takes for granted. I am afraid that if I continue to do this, he won't even bother getting a job because he will assume that I will pay for all our expenses. I hate feeling this way, but I am also worried that this is not the kind of dependent relationship I want to be part of. Is it wrong for me to abandon someone when they are not in a good place?
It doesn't seem as if you are in a good placed either. You are more financially secure, but the state of your relationship is precarious because these issues can lead to a lot of anger and resentment. You should tell him how you feel irrespective of how he chooses to take that message. Supporting someone is great, but a healthy relationship is about two people pulling together in the same direction. Having that conversation with him may be the best thing you can do for him, because he appears to have lost his sense of perspective along with his motivation to work. To avoid this is to simply hasten the demise of your relationship, so do it as quickly as possible.

I still think of my former lover a lot, even though I am now in a secure relationship with someone who loves me a lot. Is this a sign that I am not satisfied?
Think about why you and your former lover chose not to be together, and why you decided to get into a relationship with the person you're with. In time, your perspectives may change.

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