I want to tell him about my affair...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a confession I want to make to my partner of four years but can't seem to find a way to do it. We have been together for a long time and I know he intends to ask me to marry him soon. I love him and want to marry him, but this confession is about an affair I had two years ago and he has no clue anything like this happened. I can stay quiet about it for the rest of my life, but I will always be afraid of him finding out, which is why I feel the need to speak. I don't know how he will react or if he will end this relationship, which is what I am most afraid of. I can't speak to family or friends about this because no one knows, and they will all be horrified and simply judge me for being unfaithful. I don't want to explain my actions to anyone, but I know that not telling him will make me feel awful. How do I do this?
If you feel the need to unburden yourself, you should even if you are afraid of the consequences. Every relationship has ups and downs, and yours is not the first to have to navigate a crisis like this. It will affect the faith, trust, and respect between you two, but if you are also aware that it needs to be out in the open, it will be a test that can bring you closer together. You love this person and want to be with him, which is the most important thing, and which is all he needs to acknowledge before you tell him anything. There will be grief, and there may be anger, but you should also talk about what you are prepared to do to help him cope with this information. It may be difficult at first, but it can be resolved with patience and communication, provided you are prepared to wait for as long as it takes him.

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