I want to leave him, but...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs, but things have been difficult over the past few months. We have been together for two years, and the only reason I continue in this relationship is because I'm afraid of how he will react if I end it. He is depressed, and any change in his life affects him in cruel ways. It is one of the reasons I avoid too many arguments because it puts him in a bad place. I would like to leave him because I think it may push him into getting help from a professional, but part of me also feels like I am being unreasonable. What should I do?
Depression, like any ailment, requires coping mechanisms that not everyone has access to. If your boyfriend has been struggling with this condition, and hasn't spoken to a professional yet, the onus of trying to make him better isn't on you because you don't have the tools. To be in a relationship just because you're afraid of how someone will react is not healthy, because you are simply harming yourself in the mistaken belief that you are doing this for your partner. If this isn't working, tell him what's wrong, and ask him to get help. Whether he chooses to is up to him.

I had a casual affair with someone a few years ago, and we kept in touch because I thought we were friends. A few weeks ago, I reached out and she didn't bother responding. I haven't done anything, so I am surprised by this reaction. Should I just assume she doesn't want me in her life?
You can ask her, if it is important for you, but you should also ask yourself what this relationship means. If you aren't really in each other's lives, how does her presence or absence affect you? Think about what you want out of this friendship with this person and acknowledge that choosing to stay in touch is your prerogative as well as hers.

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