I want to break off my engagement!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

The day after my girlfriend and I got engaged is the day we had our first serious fight. It was so serious that we decided to break off the engagement, which shocked us both. We calmed down a few days later and nothing happened, but we have started to change how we feel about each other since then. It seems as if she has become a different person since the engagement, because she has a controlling aspect that wasn't there before. She used to be more accommodating, but now wants us to do things her way because she believes she has a right to be more assertive. I have always looked at this relationship as a partnership, but she has started to turn it into a power struggle. I am starting to regret taking this forward and have begun to seriously consider ending this. What do I do?
A shift in your relationship shouldn't come as a surprise given that the nature of what you are committing to has changed. If an engagement signifies a decision to spend the rest of your lives with each other, it's only natural that the way you both see each other will change. The problem here is your inability to accept the way she has changed. This isn't an excuse for her behaviour, but an observation that there is obviously a disconnect between what you both want and how you see this engagement. There must be something about you both that made you want to commit to this in the first place. I suggest you think about that, and also consider this the first of many serious challenges that emerge in any serious relationship. A power struggle or any miscommunication are hurdles that must be acknowledged and overcome one at a time. I think you give her time and space to adjust, keep telling her about what makes you uncomfortable, and wait until you both find a way of coping better.

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