I want to break off engagement!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 37-year old woman and have been trying to break up with a man I am supposed to get engaged to soon. It was arranged by our parents, and I initially agreed because I wanted to settle down and he came from a decent family. He's a nice person, but the more time I have spent with him, the more convinced I have become that he is too rigid in his ways to allow me to live the way I want. He's 45 and has never been married. We know we can't have children, and are okay with that, but I have grown used to living a certain way and doing things the way I want. I am afraid to change that for him, or for anyone, and he doesn't seem like the type who wants to understand where I'm coming from. Is this reason enough to call if off? The only thing that stops me is the thought that, if I let him go, I may not find someone so agreeable again. What should I do?
How is he agreeable if his refusal to understand you can threaten the way you live? Is your loss of freedom less important than your need for a companion? Is it that difficult to find one who can offer you both, when you aren't willing to keep looking? I suggest you ask for some time, until you get a better idea of what you are prepared to give up. There are pros and cons to everything, and you haven't weighed them yet. Yes, you may not find someone you like as much, but that is a risk one takes with any relationship, at any age. There is no guarantee that someone you like today will reciprocate a year from now. What does matter is choosing to spend your life with someone who values you, and one way of showing that is by giving you the same freedom you give them. A relationship that isn't equal isn't worth fighting for.

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