I’m not a priority for my boyfriend

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months, and I get the feeling that I am investing more time and energy in this relationship than he is. He says he is serious about us, but whenever something more important comes up in his personal life, he always chooses that over me. I am not his priority, and he has made that clear on multiple occasions. I asked him about this, and his argument was that he always makes time for me, so he should be allowed to decide when something else needs his attention. I don't do the same thing to him, which is why I think this is unfair. Maybe I should change how I look at this and stop making him such an important part of my life, but I don't want to do this just because it's how he behaves. What should I do?
If you don't get the sense that you are as important to him as you would like to be, this is something you may have to accept or reject. To accept it means lowering your expectations about what this relationship is about, and it isn't fair to you because we all have things we need from our partners. If you reject it, ask him to change, and think about what this means for your future if he refuses. The beginning of any relationship involves finding a balance between what you both want and what you can give. Some sort of compromise is possible, and recommended, but you alone can draw a line between what your expectations are and how much you are willing to let go to keep this relationship alive. If it gets to a point where you feel as if you are giving more than you receive, this is an unequal partnership and not conducive to your well-being. When you feel that beginning to happen, it's time to re-evaluate everything about this and make a decision based on what you want your future to look like.

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