I just don’t enjoy physical intimacy

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for six months and I have come to the realisation that I don't like being physically intimate as much as he does. It's not as if we don't enjoy sex, it's just not very important for me and this creates problems for him. He feels guilty about it because I told him I was not excited about it, and this has created some barriers between us. He says he feels as if he is forcing me, which is partly true, but I don't want that to affect other aspects of our relationship which are perfectly fine. I think we have a great, strong connection, so this is really upsetting for us both. At the same time, I can't fake enthusiasm and don't know what to do. Please help.
It's perfectly normal for two people to have different expectations and ideas about every aspect of their relationship. It's also great to work towards a solution together, which is what spending time with each other is about. You have to be honest about how you feel, and it's great that your boyfriend tells you what's on his mind too, even if it's not what either of you want to hear. There are ways of dealing with physical intimacy, most of which are rooted in emotional needs and can be dealt with if you have access to the right kind of support. Talk about it, speak to a professional if necessary, and try getting to the root of why you feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with not wanting sex, but your boyfriend needs to understand your perspective before you can both find a solution. To force something in a relationship is risky because it can lead to resentment, which is why it is also important that you approach this with patience. Your relationship is strong, which is great because it means you are both committed to making this work. At the end of the day, that matters most.

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