I hate being in an open relationship

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 29-year old woman and have been with a 32-year old guy for three years now. A few months ago, he had a conversation with me about wanting to be with other people. He said he still had strong feelings for me but was no longer comfortable with the idea of an exclusive relationship. I heard him out, thought he had a rational explanation at the time, and realised I still loved him a lot and couldn't bear the idea of not having him in my life. We agreed to have an ‘open relationship' and I got used to the idea of him dating other people. It was hard at the start, but I thought I was getting used to it until he got really serious with this one person, and I began to feel incredibly insecure and jealous. I don't think I can do this anymore because it is causing me a lot of emotional pain and is beginning to affect my mental health drastically. I spoke to my boyfriend about it, and he told me it was unfair on him because we had discussed it and I had agreed. He encouraged me to date someone else instead, but I really can't. The idea of it makes me sick. What should I do?
If this isn't working for you, there's nothing you can do because you can't deny your feelings. Open relationships often sound great on paper but don't take into account the fact that two people can feel very differently about the dynamics involved. It's okay to feel insecure or jealous, and the fact that your boyfriend can dissociate his feelings enough to date other people doesn't imply that you should be able to as well. If this is taking a toll on your mental health, it is bad for you and may only get worse in the future. If he is unwilling to make changes that make this easier for you to handle, your relationship is doomed. There is no simple way out.

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