I feel stifled with him, what do I do?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend has a weird habit of always asking me where I am and what I am doing even though he knows it annoys me. He says he can't help it because he cares about me a lot, but I find it difficult to handle because it feels as if he doesn't trust me, doesn't think I am capable of handling anything, or making my own decisions. We love each other and he wants to marry me, but I am never sure about this only because of this habit and how it may get worse if we are married. What should I do? I don't want to end this relationship but I also can't commit to something lifelong with someone who treats me like a child. Please help.
If your boyfriend doesn't understand that his behaviour is disrespectful or disturbing to you, and can't find it within himself to understand why this bothers you, the chances of it getting worse are high and you are right to be concerned. A lifelong commitment should be considered only when you are both comfortable with the other person, and are accepting of each other's virtues as well as flaws. It's obvious you are not at that stage, and for very good reasons. He may want to marry you, and you may both love each other, but there are more things to consider in a marriage than just mutual affection. Trust and communication are critical, and you are both unable to establish either at this point. Tell him why this is a potential deal-breaker and give him another chance if you feel like it. If things don't change, things may only get worse in the coming years.

I want to be a better boyfriend, but my girlfriend always makes it hard for me to be nice to her. How do I be more patient and loving?
If someone has to teach you how to love someone or treat them with respect, you shouldn't be in a relationship until you figure it out.

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