I feel invisible in my own family...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 42-year old woman and have been married for almost a decade. I am starting to feel as if I am being taken for granted by my husband. We have two children and are a reasonably happy family, but I no longer feel as if I am very important to him in the larger scheme of things. It's as if I have done by duty by giving him children, and now exist only to make sure they are raised well. He still cares about me, but I often feel invisible, as if I don't matter or make any difference to this house. I have tried to bring this up with him a few times, but always fail to explain what I mean because he simply doesn't see my perspective. That is also part of the problem, and I don't know how to fix it. What can I do?
An inability to see a partner's point of view is a sign that lines of communication aren't as open as you both think they are. It's very easy for any relationship to slip into a state of one partner being taken for granted, if this slide isn't acknowledged and arrested. Take time out away from your daily responsibilities if possible and consider a holiday with just the two of you. Time away from your daily routine can lead to a shift in how you speak to each other and what you are more comfortable talking about. If he wants you to not feel the way you do, it may also help if you seek advice from a professional. Therapy can be life-changing if you find a counsellor you are both comfortable with, provided you commit to working on the future of this relationship together. Don't give up yet.

My boyfriend doesn't understand my troubled family issues, which leads to a lot of fights between us. How can I change this?
If he doesn't understand, tell him why his refusal to listen can make things harder for your relationship.

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