I feel he has changed a lot...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 47-year old single, lonely man, and a tutor by profession. A few years ago, a male student of mine whose parents are close to me confided in me about his mother's infidelity. Since then, we have been close emotionally and I love and treat him as my son. I think he trusts me more than anyone else, as a mentor and guide. He is now 18 and pursuing a career in another city. I was the one who supported him. He is now more friendly with fellow students, seniors, girls, and everyone at his hostel, but still finds the time to talk to me daily. What bothers me is his change in character. He was an introvert by nature, but I fear he will be influenced by his friends and leave me, the way he keeps his distance from his parents. I feel as if he has begun hiding things from me. When I told him about my misgivings, he exploded and made it clear that he can handle his personal life. Am I unreasonable here? Are my misgivings unwarranted?
- Suresh S
As a mentor, you are allowed to have misgivings, and also to worry about negative influences. However, you can't ignore the fact that a boy is becoming a man and is beginning to find out that the world is larger than he thought it was. If he meets new people and is introduced to new ideas, it is only natural that he will start to change in some way. This change can manifest itself in different ways, and one of them is to start drawing boundaries that didn't exist before. As an adult, he is entitled to and allowed to have a personal life that isn't open to scrutiny. It doesn't imply that he is moving away from you, as much as it points to a sense of independence that is important to him. All he needs to know is that you care about him and support him. Beyond that, it's his life.

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