I feel drawn to someone at work

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 35-year old woman and have been married for almost ten years. My husband and I don't feel like we love each other a lot anymore, because it's just a habit that keeps us together. We have no children and are okay with this. We are not unhappy, but I also know that there is nothing of substance in this marriage anymore. We are just going to stay in it because we don't have an option. Recently, I have become very attracted to a man from my office. He is single, and I have seen him look at me often, so I think he is interested in getting to know me. Is it okay for me to meet him without telling my husband, just to see if this is someone I would like to get to know better? I am not thinking of an affair, but I don't have any specific idea about what I want from him either. I am open to just starting a friendship and seeing where it takes me. Is this a bad idea?
Your notion of not knowing what you want out of this potential friendship is troubling because it hints at the possibility of adultery even if you aren't being explicit about it. This may not be what you have in mind at all, of course, but you intend to withhold this information from your husband because you believe it is not a normal situation. You should make new friends, by all means, but it is also important to spend some time trying to figure out what this marriage means to you. You and your husband cannot put off this conversation forever because these are your lives at stake, and you are both being unfair to yourselves by not coming to terms with where things stand. Any relationship outside a marriage can be tumultuous, and not just from a legal standpoint. To consider anything new without first attempting to resolve your current situation only complicates your life. Make wiser choices.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com