I don’t want to give him money!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a problem with my boyfriend, but don't know how to confront him. He has made some poor financial decisions and now expects me to help him out until he gets more secure. I have been very patient with him and have tried to do as much as I can, but there is a lot of resentment on my part because it sometimes feels as if I am being forced to pay the price for a crime I have not committed. I know I shouldn't feel this way, because my role is to offer support and I am sure he would have done the same for me, but I can't help it, and this is starting to affect my relationship with him. I wish I could just tell him that I don't want to help, but I know that will be very damaging and I don't want to risk losing him. It will take him at least a year to get some sort of security, and I don't know how to cope with this until then. What should I do?
The longer you brush this under the carpet, the harder it will be for you to maintain a façade of normalcy. It is perfectly okay to feel the way you do, because doing something out of guilt or misplaced expectations is unfair to you as well as your partner. There is no shame in asking for help for yourself too, because you have to prioritise what you want to protect. Saving your relationship is important, and anything that gets in the way of damaging it, especially a financial situation, needs to be addressed as quickly as possible. If talking to him about this is difficult, speak to friends or family members who you think may be more understanding. It is still preferable to speak to him even if this may cause some friction though, because successful relationships are those that navigate difficult situations and find a way of arriving at a compromise that works for both partners.

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