I can’t live with his addiction!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My marriage is being threatened by my husband's addiction to marijuana. He struggled with it for years, since he was a teenager. It was a problem even when we were dating, but he gave it up and promised to stay away from it. He has had some bad luck with his job lately and relapsed into smoking it again. We fight a lot about this, and he always promises to stop but somehow manages to start the habit. I am tired because I don't think I can do this anymore. I know that leaving him will be devastating but I can't keep putting him and his needs over mine because this is taking a tremendous toll on my health, too. What should I do? I can't stay in this marriage out of guilt alone.
Addiction is a disease that can ruin lives, and you're right to take this threat seriously. Staying in any relationship out of guilt is wrong because it is destined to fail. Your husband may want to break free of this habit but unless he obtains the tools, or takes concrete steps to fight this, it isn't going to go away on its own. Willpower often fails when it comes to addiction, and he needs to accept that. Telling him about the toll this is taking on your marriage may not help but asking him to seek professional intervention may be able to buy you both some time. If he refuses or doesn't go through a course of treatment for the prescribed time, the chances of this problem being resolved are slim. Choosing to stay until this happens is your prerogative, but you should make a decision based on the impact on your mental health. Consider speaking to a counsellor too, because you need all the support you can get to fight this. Also speak to family and friends so they are aware of the situation and can make it easier for you to cope with whatever you decide is the best course of action.

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