I am confused about us...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in a long-distance relationship for the last two years. My boyfriend and I dated four years ago for a few months, and I ended it because he was very absent. We gave it another shot two years ago, but the problem persisted. He says he loves me but does not treat me like his priority at all. His friends and his business always come first. We have been on a break now for a week, but I don't know what to tell him. I am scared because I know relationships are a ground test for marriage, and I don't want to feel lonely like this in a marriage. He also expects me to move to his state when we marry, which means I will have to start my life all over in a place that does not hold a lot of opportunity for me. He says he cannot move here because he would have to quit his business. I understand his problems, but when I try talking to him about my insecurity, it only turns into an argument, and he accuses me of putting pressure on him. I do love him, but I am confused about what to do. Please help.
- Trisha A
You're right to worry about feeling lonely and marginalised after marriage if the past few years have been an indication. You should also ask yourself why you are basing the rest of your life upon something that happened four years ago, when there have been repeated instances showing you that reality doesn't match your expectations in the least. You may love your boyfriend, and his hands may genuinely be tied when it comes to moving or prioritising his business over you. This doesn't mean you aren't entitled to feeling the way you do because, at the end of the day, you are preparing to make a lifelong commitment to someone while knowing that the relationship doesn't meet your wants or expectations. All I suggest is you weigh your pros and cons carefully.

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