How has she moved on so fast?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I ended a relationship with my girlfriend after three years. We were miserable by the time we broke up, so I thought I would get over it quickly. Things were fine for a couple of months, until I found out that she had moved on and was with someone else. Since then, I have not been able to handle this. It feels as if I should have tried to hold on to the relationship more, and I can't forgive myself for letting her go. I don't know if these emotions are genuine or if I am just upset because she has managed to forget about me without too much trouble. Should I reach out to her and tell her how I feel?
You and your ex-girlfriend arrived at the decision to end your relationship together. You had strong reasons at the time and chose to move on. Her decision to be with someone else is a sign that she no longer feels the same way about you. Your feelings for her may be genuine, and your regret at letting her go may be real, but that doesn't change the fact that you are the only one who wants to try and make this work again. Nothing stops you from telling her how you feel, of course, but it may be wise to give yourself time and space, evaluate why your relationship didn't work, and think about how you really feel when you are calmer. Distance can help bring a lot of clarity. Also, you should be prepared for the possibility of being turned down even if you send her a message.

My girlfriend says I am too mushy, which bothers me because it makes me second-guess everything I do or say. If she doesn't like what I'm like, should I change my personality just to please her?
You can accept her criticism in the right spirit and ask her to be more specific about what she likes or doesn't. She isn't rejecting you, so why assume the worst?

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