How do I help this youngster?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a tutor and coach students from Std 11 onwards. I have a favourite student whose parents are also close to me. This boy, who is 17, has seemed gloomy and withdrawn over the past three months. His parents have also noticed this. He confided in me that his mother cheated on his father for years. As a child, he saw her with her boyfriend in compromising positions many times, but she used to manipulate the situation and warn him not to say anything. His father eventually found out and there were regular fights in the house. Her boyfriend is now married and living far from the city but is still in touch with her. The boy says his past haunts him and prevents him from concentrating on his studies. He seems to hate his mother and doesn't want to accept her or treat her well. How can I deal with this boy and motivate him? What advice should I give him?
- Sureshbabu S
You can't do much here because you are not a trained counsellor, and it's obvious that this boy is dealing with more than the usual pressures most young students have to manage. He trusts you and confides in you, which is a great thing because you can provide him with the emotional support he needs, while directing him towards a professional who could help him in a tangible manner. His parents obviously need to know what's going on too, because you aren't with him all the time and the home environment is clearly a trigger. You have his best interests at heart, and therapy is never easy for anyone because of the amount of trust involved. He believes in you though, and may consider it based upon your suggestion. If you aren't comfortable with the idea, you can continue to play your part as sympathetic listener.

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