How do I get her to talk about us?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been trying to change the nature of my relationship for a while, but I keep stumbling because my girlfriend isn't interested in us evolving in any way. She says we are perfect the way we are, and I agree with her to some extent, but I also want us to improve the way we communicate and start having more conversations about the future. We can't just be a couple that is always on dates, enjoying each other's company, and happy about the way things are without even thinking about what comes next. I want us to grow together and start planning the rest of our lives, but she says we are only going to ruin things by trying to fix what isn't broken. I don't think she even gets what I'm trying to do here. How do I put this idea across without causing any stress between us?
There is nothing to put across. She probably understands where you're coming from and is also sure about how she wants things to be at this point. It's okay for both ideas to exist simultaneously. You have to consider that relationships evolve even when they seem to be static. You are enjoying each other's company, but you don't think it's enough, when it's pretty much what most people in relationships try to achieve. I suggest you stop what you're doing and focus on what you're not, which is trying to appreciate your relationship more. It's perfect at the moment, there is nothing going wrong, and when your girlfriend says you're trying to fix what isn't broken, she's trying to draw attention to the fact that things should change in an organic manner, not when one person in a relationship decides it should evolve. Why assume that just spending time with each other isn't building communication or trust, or all the other things that go into making a relationship work? Sometimes, it's what isn't being said or done that has the strongest impact on a bond between two people.

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