His mother is rude to me!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend has a close relationship with his mother, who is a widow. She controls him to some extent because they have had to rely on each other since he was little, after his father passed away. He understands that she is possessive and is aware that her behaviour may seem a little excessive to an outsider, but we have never had problems with this because he warned me about it when we began dating. His mother is always rude to me when I visit their home, but this is also okay because I understand where she is coming from. A week or so ago, however, she told me that she wasn't happy with her son dating me. He wasn't in the room, and I didn't know how to react, so I said nothing. When I mentioned this to my boyfriend later, he just laughed it off and told me to ignore her. Is he being dismissive of how I feel, or not taking this seriously enough? I was so upset that I have been considering ending this relationship just to avoid this kind of conversation. What should I do?
He is being dismissive, of course, because he cannot invalidate how you are feeling. As for ending this relationship, it may make more sense to separate him from his mother and think about how you feel about your relationship with him alone. It may be easy for him to not take his mother's words that seriously if he has grown up with that kind of behaviour, but it will obviously be harder for anyone outside his family to understand or accept this. You can find a way of coping with it, too, provided you are sure of your priorities and what you want to protect. If him not being in your life is easier, then end it by all means because you don't deserve those kinds of comments. If you want it to work, however, the drawing of boundaries will be unavoidable, and will have to be respected.

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