He’s unable to handle his grief...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend, but it has been difficult since he lost a close family member. His behaviour has changed and there is a lot of anger that he ends up taking out on me. I have tried to understand what he is going through. I know he is in a lot of pain and doesn't know how to cope, but I can't do anything to make it easier. He ends up hurting me a lot, and apologises, then does it again. At first, I tolerated it because I imagined he would go back to being his usual self in a few weeks, but things are getting worse, and he seems angrier than ever. What should I do? We have been together for five years and I don't want this to end because someone in his family passed away.
Grief has all kinds of effects on people, and you're right to try and empathise with what he is going through. You are also right to expect a separation between what he feels and whom he must take his anger or sadness out on. You can't be the receptacle for what he is trying to process, and he needs to understand that. It may be easier to talk about than to act upon though, because not everyone has the tools with which to cope with tragedy. The best thing for you to do is convince him to seek therapy and find a way of coming to terms with his loss. It may take him time but, if he wants this relationship to be saved, it's obvious he doesn't know how.

My best friend wants me to change my wedding date because she has an important event in her family, and I don't know what to do because my fiancé thinks she is being selfish. I am caught between them. How do I resolve this?
It shouldn't be your problem to resolve. Sit them down together and ask them to come up with a solution.

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