He’s not a very good parent...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My husband and I have been married for five years, and he's amazing as a partner but not very good as a parent. We have a two-year old son, and I am always the primary caregiver because he is not very hands on. He forgets a lot of basic things, can be very careless when it comes to healthcare, and is not attentive during playtime. I don't know if he is just not interested in being a parent because this was primarily my decision, but I know he loves our son and doesn't want to cause him any harm. I just want him to be a better parent because family is important to me. I can't be with someone who doesn't take it seriously even if I love the person. I am worried that his behaviour may cause me to move away from him and create some distance between us. How do I get him to become better and do what it takes to fix this situation?
Parenting isn't always easy because it doesn't come naturally to everyone, despite what the commonly held belief may be. Your husband is as new to this as you are, which doesn't absolve him from being careless, but may require a bit of patience. It is important that you tell him why he needs to step up, and he should show that he is taking your concerns seriously because there is a child involved. It is also important for him to recognise that parenting involves two people doing an equal amount of work. If it starts to feel one-sided, and he relies on you to do the heavy lifting, this is not a good sign, and it may spell trouble for your future as a married couple. It doesn't have to get to that stage though. Speak to him, encourage him to ask for help when he isn't sure about something, and practice positive reinforcement when he does something right. It may take him a while, but you can do this together.

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