He’s just a dutiful husband!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My husband is a complacent, uninterested man who just focuses on work and the idea of a family. Ours was an arranged marriage and I often think he agreed only to make his parents happy. It has been five years, and there has been no indication that he genuinely loves me. He does what a husband is supposed to, cares and provides for me, but it's as if he is doing it out of a sense of duty. There is no warmth, and nothing I do or say changes his attitude towards me. I have stayed in this marriage only because I feel secure, not because I am loved. A few weeks ago, I began flirting with a colleague at work and felt something I have not felt in years. Is this a sign that my marriage is a sham?
You certainly have problems, but flirting with someone outside your marriage doesn't solve anything as much as bury the issue. No one deserves to be in a loveless relationship, but you have to start asking yourself difficult questions about your life and future to arrive at a sense of where things stand. You can continue to be in this marriage, but to have a relationship outside it is unfair to your husband as well as yourself. Try opening up to him and suggest speaking to a marriage counsellor. An outsider's perspective may help you both see things differently. Think about your future and how long you can continue like this, before making any decision. It is only when you figure this out and have ended something that you can start to think about new beginnings.

Is it okay to go out with someone who is ten years older than me? My friends think it's a problem, but no one gets me like he does.
A lot depends upon how you see each other, what you both want from this, and whether you can communicate this effectively. Age shouldn't be a barrier if you can figure these things out.

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