Her family won’t like me, she says!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am worried about what is going on with my girlfriend because her parents recently told her that she is going to be married to a family they know. It is an arranged marriage, and she obviously doesn't want to agree to it because we are in love and have been together for almost a year-and-a-half. The problem is her parents don't know about me because my girlfriend has always been sure they won't accept me. I am not as well off and I also don't have the kind of career they look up to, like medicine engineering, or something that they believe will help me earn a lot more money. I know it's unfair, but she won't even mention me to them because she is so sure that they will reject me outright. She is constantly talking about ending our relationship because she feels as if she will only get hurt in the future. I have tried everything in my power to convince her and have even told her that I am prepared to meet her parents myself and ask for their permission to marry her, but she refuses every idea I come up with. I have suggested eloping too, because we are both adults, but she won't do it because it will hurt her family. I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what else to do. Please help.
No relationship can work with one person doing all the heavy lifting. You have been clear about what you want, and your girlfriend isn't backing her words with actions. Speaking to her parents is meaningless if she isn't on board with the idea. Yes, you are both adults and perfectly capable of making this decision
about your future without involving either of your parents, but her refusal makes that impossible too. If she isn't willing to back you, or confront her parents, she's right about ending this because not doing it will only prolong the agony for you both.

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