He wants us to be a secret still...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been dating someone who doesn't want anyone to know we are in a relationship. He says he is not ready to tell his family and friends about me because he was in a long-term relationship with someone that didn't work out. He believes no one will take me seriously just yet and will assume that I am just someone he is with to get over his ex-girlfriend. I understand the sentiment to a certain extent, but I don't agree with the need for secrecy. If he can't stand up for what he believes in, how will anyone take his relationship with me seriously? It has been five months now and I have yet to meet anyone from his life, while he has met all my friends and my closest family members. Is this something I should be concerned about? Should I tell him that I am willing to wait for a while longer, but not too long?
Your reasons are valid, and the secrecy doesn't make sense after a point because it serves no purpose. The only way to convince people in his life that he is serious about this relationship is to first let them know that it exists. His reasons don't make sense and betray a lack of confidence that should bother you both. Tell him why this is upsetting you, why you feel it is unfair, and ask him how long he intends to withhold this information from people in his life. If his response doesn't satisfy you, draw your boundaries and think about what you're willing to compromise to make this work.

Should I feel guilty that I was seeing someone else while my boyfriend and I broke up for six months?
You were not in a relationship, which means you were free to be with anyone you chose to. You can choose to feel guilty, but you should ask yourself if that does anything to your current relationship. Putting it behind you and focusing on your future together makes more sense.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com