He thinks I don’t earn enough!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My fiance always said that marriage was not about money, until we got married and his attitude changed completely. Now, whenever we argue or get into a fight, it is always about our finances. He says I don't pull my weight and don't do enough to maintain our lifestyles, even though he knew I had made career choices based on my interests, not my need to earn more. We love each other and I know he supports me, but he also can't control himself when it comes to our finances. I have been thinking of switching careers just to earn more money and make him happy, even though I know this will be bad for my own mental health. I worry that our future will always be dictated by this, and it saddens me because it makes me feel as if I am not married to the person I dated. He doesn't get it because he says that being more serious about money is just a sign of growing older and wiser. How do I get him to change, and go back to being the person he was?
It's always difficult to assume that people can go back to being who they used to be, because we all change as we grow older, some more radically than others. Circumstances can have a huge impact on how we evolve, and it is not impossible for someone's expectations to undergo a dramatic shift with time. Having said that, this is about making sure your needs are met while trying to balance your partner's new priorities. It is a problem that affects all relationships, at various stages, and the only way to cope is to come up with a compromise or assume that one of you will feel let down. He needs to know how this is affecting your mental health, and you should both weigh the pros and cons of what you are giving up in exchange for more money. It will be a difficult conversation, but an unavoidable one.

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