He says we can’t be together...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 23-year old woman and have been in a relationship with a man who is eight years older. We fell in love a few years ago but didn't get together because he felt I was too young and was worried about what his family and friends would say. He is still worried now but has started to become more comfortable because I have constantly maintained that the difference in age doesn't bother me. I recently asked him about marriage, and he reacted very badly, saying he didn't know if this could happen because of his family. I know he would love to be with me for the rest of our lives, but his inability to take any step on his own is always in the way. I want to be with him and can't find a way out of this. Please help.
The best thing to do is give him time. People treat their families differently, and your ability to live independently of the influence of your own family doesn't necessarily mean he has the same freedom. If he wants to be with you, he will find a way, and it is possible that he won't wait for years to arrive at that decision given that he is older. You have time on your side, which is an advantage, so I suggest you allow him to consider the idea and weight the pros and cons of losing out on a relationship with you. If you feel as if you can't wait for a commitment any longer, that is when you can ask him to make up his mind or move on. Until then, patience is the best approach. It may also make sense to try and spend time with his family, if he is open to that idea, because that may allow you to get a better understanding of what they are like, while giving them the same opportunity to get to know you. They may turn out to be completely different from what you expect.

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