He says he doesn’t love me, yet...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in a relationship for seven years and my partner suddenly says it's not working. We are engaged and supposed to marry in two years. He says, "I show how much I care because I am attached to you." He began doing this from the day I cut my hair. I know he still loves me, and I am probably just insecure. I have been telling him it's his age that makes him think he is not in love with me. We are close but I kept suspecting him of cheating on me. His mother doesn't want this to end either because she thinks he will regret it. He has started to ignore me because he thinks he doesn't love me, but still calls me to sleep with him after I come back from work. I have tried to explain what he's going through but he wants to break up. We do stuff that normal couples do but he doesn't want us to go outside together. I am not sure, but I feel like he doesn't want to get married which is why he is doing or saying that we will be friends forever. What can I do to make him understand? Please help.
- Keshmira K

It feels as if there are unresolved issues with what you both seem to want out of this. If his idea of a relationship is just physical intimacy in private, and a refusal to commit, what do you hope for in the future? Have you tried having a conversation about individual expectations, and what he is looking for in a relationship or a partner? That may help you understand what he is going through and why he believes this isn‘t working. You can keep trying to save this, of course, because that is your prerogative. However, there may come a point where you feel used or alone, because it takes two people to make something work. When that happens, you may have to decide what's best for your own future.

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