He put no effort into anything!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 24-year old woman and have been in a relationship with a guy one year older for around two years now. We are very close and love each other a lot, but I often get the feeling that I am putting more work into this relationship than he is. He doesn't give me that level of commitment, and it feels as if I can stop trying so hard and that will be fine with him too. It is not a nice feeling at all. I am always the one who plans dates, special occasions, birthday celebrations, even holidays. He comes along and is very sweet and loving and attentive, but never takes that first step to initiate anything. I used to think this was just his nature but am starting to wonder if he just behaves like this with me because he takes me for granted. He knows I will always do what is necessary for us both and this doesn't make me feel good about us. If things don't change, I am afraid I may get to a point where I won't care anymore. How do I change this?
If you are already considering these questions, it is a sign that you already feel underappreciated and taken for granted. To ignore this and hope things will change won't solve anything, and the underlying resentment will soon lead to serious and potentially damaging consequences. If you haven't told him how you feel and asked him to step up and be more proactive, you are harming yourself as well as your relationship. This is a partnership that calls for shared responsibility. If he isn't doing his share, it isn't going to work in the long run. If he knows this and still refuses to change, this will not work out for either of you. Speak up, and be as direct as you can, if you want to prevent this from getting out of control. You know you deserve more, so why be afraid to ask for it?

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