17 February,2023 06:14 AM IST | Mumbai | Dr Love
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I want to try and be a better partner to my boyfriend, but he is always putting up walls between us and never fully opens up about things that truly bother him. He is always ready to help me in any way and tries his best to comfort me when I am low, but whenever I ask him what is bothering him, he clams up and says it's nothing I should worry about. It feels as if he doesn't think I can handle anything, which is very hurtful because I really want to be there for him. If I complain about this, he just smiles and says he doesn't want to worry me. Does he think I am a child? How will this relationship evolve if he doesn't treat me like an equal? I can't just turn to him for support if he doesn't reciprocate. Am I being too harsh about this? Should I just accept him for who he is?
Your feelings are entirely valid, and what you're experiencing is almost an act of disrespect because it betrays a lack of faith on his behalf. He thinks he is protecting you from whatever it is he is dealing with, but what he is inadvertently doing is establishing a position of superiority where he is capable of handling your troubles but won't extend that same courtesy to you. It needs to be called out even if this makes him think you're being touchy or sentimental. It's also important because, as you point out, a relationship cannot evolve if there is no sense of equality. If he wants to support you, but doesn't believe you have what it takes to offer that same support to him, he is being naïve, sexist, or ignorant, and none of those things are okay. I suggest you have a chat with him, as calmly as possible, explaining why this is affecting the future of your relationship. If he loves and respects you, he will make an effort to change how he approaches this.
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