He lied because he wanted to break up

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend recently admitted to an affair, and we broke up because I couldn't handle it. I was upset and angry for weeks and blocked him everywhere. A couple of days ago, I ran into a common friend who told me there had been no affair, and that he had lied simply because he didn't know how to deal with our relationship and wanted to break up. She told me that he had been very sorry for what he did and wanted to try and make things work between us. I have been struggling to deal with this because I think it was unnecessarily cruel. If he wanted us to change how we deal with each other, he could have said this in a more honest manner. If breaking up was the only solution, he could have just said that too. Instead, he chose this hurtful way to destroy my trust and break my heart. He wants to get back with me, apparently, but I don't think I will let him back even though I still love him a lot. Is this the right decision?
Loving someone and trusting someone aren't always the same thing and, in this instance, it may take you a while to accept what he says. Everything you say about his cruel behaviour is valid, and you are perfectly entitled to not letting him back into your life. As for whether this is the right decision, that depends entirely upon how you take his absence, and whether you are prepared to forgive him if the two of you decide to give this relationship another go. It's obvious that there are no open lines of communication, which is why he chose this route to begin with. It may make sense to take your time with this, put the hurtful episode behind you, and see how you feel a few weeks or months from now when you have had time to process the pain. You may then have some clarity about what he means to you.

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