He is suddenly so controlling!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 24-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with a guy five years older. It was nice at the start, which was a-year-and-a-half ago. Over the past six months, it has turned into something horrible because he tries to control every aspect of my life. He doesn't approve of friends I hang out with, wants me to spend all my weekends with him, has a lot to say about my career choices, and even what I choose to wear. When I have asked him to back off and stop treating me like a child, he tells me that I am ungrateful and don't know what it means to have someone who genuinely cares about me. I am confused because he loves me and feel guilty about asking him to change his ways, but there is also a nagging doubt that this is not normal. I want to be with him, but I also want him to change his ways and give me more space. My friends think it is a bad relationship and want me to end it, but I don't know how. I also don't know how he will react. Please suggest what I should do in this situation.
You should end it and not look back. Love isn't just about someone caring for you; it's about recognising that one's partner is an individual with rights of their own. If you feel loved, but also feel as if you have no agency or free will, this isn't a relationship; it is a hostage situation. If you have asked him to change and he has countered by making you feel awful, it isn't respect; it's gaslighting. You are entitled to feel the way you do even if your partner doesn't think you should. Tell him why this isn't working for you, and don't worry about how he will cope with it because that isn't your business. Remember that to be afraid of one's partner is also a huge red flag.

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