He is refusing to commit. Why?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been trying to convince my boyfriend to think about marriage, but he refuses to commit. We have been together for four years and I am sure he is the one I want to marry. He feels the same way about me, but also believes we shouldn't jump into anything until we achieve financial security because he wants to see if that changes who we are. This feels as if he wants something to affect how we feel about each other, which makes no sense to me. I don't know if he believes one of us will stop loving the other if we become more successful, but that is his only reason. How do I get him to deal with this insecurity and take this relationship to the next stage?
If he isn't ready, whatever his reason may be, nothing you do or say can convince him. It may be an irrational fear, but it is one nonetheless, and one that clearly has some bearing on his ability to commit. You can always suggest therapy, because speaking to a counsellor can help resolve some of these anxieties, but it may make more sense to try and empathise. If you get to a point where you can't wait any longer, he may have to decide but, until that happens, patience and constant communication are key to understanding a partner's perspective.

My mother wants me to break up with my boyfriend because she thinks he insulted her. He just doesn't know how to speak well, and this is a misunderstanding. She has her mind made up and I can't change it. What should I do?
Why not have the two of them meet to clear the air, and give your boyfriend a chance to explain himself? If your mother continues to be unreasonable, you have the option of making a choice for yourself with or without her permission.

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