He is filled with resentment...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend recently got into an argument with me about something rather trivial and it blew up into a massive fight. We said a lot of things to each other, and he ended up saying that this relationship was not working out for him at all. I got the feeling that there was a lot of resentment on his part for a long time and he just hadn't said anything to me about it. I was shocked and hurt, but also believe this relationship cannot be saved if he doesn't communicate. He was upset about things I had said or done a year ago, which I had no idea about. We haven't spoken in two weeks, and I know he will get in touch when he has calmed down, but I am pretty sure I want to break up because there is no way of knowing if this will occur again. He doesn't say what's on his mind, and this then ends up hurting us both. Is this a good idea?
You're right about poor communication being a serious issue, but this involves you too because there is a certain amount of work that both partners have to put in. The onus of figuring out what's on his mind isn't on you, obviously, but it takes a while before two people in a relationship learn how to be more open about what they're struggling with. If he hasn't been able to for all this time, you should also think about whether you can or should do more to encourage dialogue. This could also be his personality, in which case there is little you can do, but I suggest you base your decision on how much hope you have of things changing. If he comes back with concrete suggestions about how things can get better, and how this relationship can evolve, you can both give it a second chance. If nothing changes, or if you have to keep prodding him to speak, it may be easier to give up.

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