He doesn’t even open up to me!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 29-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with a guy for four years. We have been talking about the future and the possibility of marriage, and our families are comfortable with this because they have known about us for a long time. The only thing that bothers me about marriage is my partner's lack of interest in any genuine intimacy. When we are physically close, he is nice to me but starts to distance himself immediately after. It's as if he can't handle the idea of opening up to me or to anyone, which is strange given that we have now been together for as long as we have. I have spoken about this many times, and even asked him to speak to a counsellor because it will have an impact on our lives, but he thinks I am blowing this out of proportion. Should I just let it be and hope that he will change after we get married, or am I right to think that this could lead to potentially serious problems?
You're not wrong to want openness from your partner, because no strong relationship can be built without that fundamental honesty from both people involved. If he thinks this isn't as important, it is a red flag because he is dismissing a real concern you have. Hypothetically, even if this were to be a small concern, he owes it to you to take it seriously and try to resolve it. If you don't feel secure in a relationship after four years, there is a risk that the distance between you will widen. It can change too, of course, and the opposite may happen, but that will still be a risk you will be taking because he isn't showing signs of acknowledging this, let alone working on changing how he communicates. Why not tell him that this is starting to have an impact on how you see the future? If that doesn't sway him, the possibility of future clashes is high.

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