He controls all my finances!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been married for four years, and believe my husband is being unfair to me from a financial standpoint. He controls the money we have, makes all the decisions about what we should invest in or not put any money in, and knows where our collected funds are. I don't have any such insight into his own earnings, savings, or what he does with his money. It makes me feel incompetent on many occasions because I am not as independent as I think I should be. I have tried asking him questions, but he just laughs and says I shouldn't worry about this stuff and let him handle all the worries associated with our family budget. I think this is unfair and don't know what to do without causing some serious damage to our relationship. Please help.
You are an independent woman and being a wife is just one of the roles you play. For your husband to withhold information about your finances, and prevent you from controlling what is legally yours, is wrong. You need to set clear boundaries about what can and cannot be shared, and he needs to be told that issues about finance have the potential to destroy any relationship. Speak to someone you trust, as well as a professional who can guide you on ways by which you can regain control of your money. The most important thing you have is financial independence. Without it, you are at the mercy of someone else. If he claims to love and respect you, giving you control of your life is non-negotiable. You need to have this discussion even if you are afraid of causing harm to your marriage because, without resolving it, the harm has already been done. To let things continue the way they are, and potentially go from bad to worse, means that your bond has already suffered a lot of damage without you noticing.

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