Guy my friend is dating is horrible!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A close friend of mine recently began dating a guy who used to be in college with me. She likes him a lot and they have been together for two months. When I last spoke to her, she was speaking about how amazing he is and how she may be falling in love with him. I didn't say anything to her, but I know this guy and he used to be a horrible person when we were in college. He was possessive of the girl he was dating at the time and used to be abusive to a lot of people in our batch. I also think he was a heavy drinker but don't know much about it because he and I were not friends. I don't know if I should mention any of this to my friend because it may upset her, and also because I don't want her to feel as if I am trying to ruin her relationship. Should I say nothing, even if this is a friend I care about?
If this is a close friend, she shouldn't have a problem hearing you out, provided you are clear about the fact that your knowledge of her boyfriend is restricted to the past, and that you don't know him well enough. It's obviously possible that he has changed completely because most of us do mature as we get older, and our behaviour in college is rarely a barometer of who we grow up to become. You have to consider the fact that your friend is an adult who has made a choice, one that you should respect because she expects it of you. If she believes this person is wrong for her, and there are red flags that worry her, it is for her to find out. No one who isn't in a relationship knows what goes on between two people. I suggest you speak to her if this continues to bother you, and let her know that you're always around if she needs you.

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